The Part Of Moving To A New Country People Don’t See

I think moving to another country is one of those things people only really understand if they’ve done it. From the outside, it can look super exciting. New country, new lifestyle, new opportunities….basically a fresh start. And yes, there is all of that is part of it, but there’s also this whole other side to it that people don’t really see, and I don’t think even your own family always fully understands it because they’re not the ones living it.

When you move somewhere new, especially when you’re trying to build a life there properly, you don’t know if it’s going to work. You don’t know what tomorrow looks like, whether your career will work out, whether the money will keep coming in (this is probably the biggest worry), whether you’ll be able to stay long term, or whether one day you’ll have to admit that it hasn’t worked and go back home. Even when things are going well, I think that uncertainty sits in the back of your mind for years…I know it did with me.

You can live somewhere for a long time and still not completely feel settled, not because it doesn’t feel like home, but because you’re still building and don’t really know how certain tomorrow is. You’re still trying to get to that point where you can look around and know that this is actually your life now, not something that could disappear if one thing goes wrong.

I think there comes a point eventually where that changes, although I think it’s different for everyone. For some people it might take a couple of years, for others it might take ten. But one day you realize you’re not constantly thinking about whether you’ll have to go back. You’re thinking about your future where you are. You’ve built work, routines, friendships, a home, a life. You know how things work. You stop feeling like you’re trying to make it and start realizing that you actually have.

I’m Not Anti-Social. I Just Like My Own Company.

For us, I think that feeling means even more because Bobby and I were always very clear with each other that we didn’t want help from anyone. We didn’t want handouts. We didn’t want to be able to say we built a life somewhere, knowing that actually someone else had funded it or made it possible for us. We wanted to do it ourselves, even if that meant it took longer or we had to go through harder periods. The way we see it, those hard times are what shape you. It’s what keeps you grounded, humble and grateful.

There were times when we had to cut back, prioritize certain things over others and really think about where our money was going. There were things we wanted that had to wait because something else mattered more. And I actually think that teaches you so much. You learn very quickly that you don’t need everything immediately. You learn the difference between wanting something and actually needing it. You learn patience, you learn how to be resourceful, and you become much better at figuring things out because you don’t have the option of constantly relying on someone else.

I think that’s why certain things mean so much more when you eventually get there. You know exactly what it took. You remember the periods where things felt uncertain, where you were working constantly, where you had to say no to things, where you wondered whether you were doing the right thing. And when you finally reach the point where life feels more secure, you don’t take it for granted in the same way.

But the part I think people see the least is what you miss while you’re doing all of this.

Being away from family is hard in a way that’s difficult to explain because it isn’t always about the big occasions. Obviously you miss birthdays, Christmases and all the obvious things, but sometimes it’s the completely normal things that get to you more.

You see your siblings going out for lunch together on a random Sunday. They go to a concert together, or they pop round to see your parents, they have dinner together, they meet up because someone happened to be nearby, they know the little everyday things happening in each other’s lives because they’re physically there. And you’re not.

That doesn’t mean you’re any less close or that anyone loves anyone more. It’s just the reality of distance. When people live near each other, they naturally become part of each other’s everyday lives in a way that you simply can’t when you live thousands of miles away.

Sometimes I’ll see my siblings doing something together and there’s definitely a part of me that wishes I was there. Not because I regret the life I chose, but because you can be completely happy with your life and still miss the version of family life you don’t get to be part of. That’s the hard part. Especially, when you all get along well.

I think that’s something even family don’t always see because they still have each other. Their life changes when you move away, a bit, but their entire world doesn’t change in the same way yours does. They still have the same country, the familiar places, the family dinners, the people around them, the routines they’ve always known….just one person is missing. Whereas for the person who moved away….theres a whole lot more missing.

And then there’s the thing people sometimes say, which is, “Well, you can always come back more often.” Technically, yes. Of course I can.

But when you move to another country permanently, your life is there now. Your work is there, your home is there, your responsibilities are there. Going back to the UK isn’t the same as going on holiday, and it costs money.

When we go back, we’re not planning some amazing trip where we wake up and decide where we feel like going that day. We’re not exploring somewhere new or switching off by a pool. We go back because we want to see family. That is the entire reason for the trip. Which then becomes even harder because everyone still has work to go to, so you’re kind of there but not really spending quality time with anyone.

You’re spending money on flights, transport and everything else that comes with travelling, but it isn’t really a holiday in the normal sense. It’s family time. You’re trying to fit months of missing people into a short period, see everyone, spend proper time together, and then you go back home and straight back into normal life.

Obviously I would never say it isn’t worth it, because it absolutely is. But I think people sometimes underestimate what those trips actually are for the person who moved away. They’re important, they’re emotional, they’re expensive, and they’re not always relaxing.

I also think there can be guilt attached to all of it. You feel guilty when you miss something. You feel guilty when someone says they haven’t seen you for ages. You feel guilty when you see family together and know you haven’t been part of those moments.

But at the same time, you can’t build a life in one country while constantly feeling like you should be living in another.

45 Lessons in 45 Years

That was something I had to understand for myself. Moving wasn’t supposed to be temporary for us. Dubai became our home. Of course there are people who move somewhere for a few years knowing they’ll eventually go back, and that’s completely different. But if you move somewhere because you want to build a life there, at some point you have to allow yourself to actually live that life without feeling guilty for not being somewhere else. This is where I don’t necessarily take my own advice very well because I still haven’t mastered it.

You can love your family more than anything and still know that your home is somewhere else. Both things can exist at the same time.

I genuinely think moving countries also forces you to grow in a way that I’m not sure I would have if I’d stayed where everything was familiar. You become more independent because you have to. You get better at dealing with uncertainty because there’s no choice. You learn to trust yourself more because you don’t always have the same safety net around you.

You also learn a lot about yourself when things don’t go to plan. You learn how you react under pressure, how you deal with money when things are tighter, how you work through problems as a couple, how you keep going when you’re not completely sure where everything is heading.

I think it made Bobby and me much stronger as a team too. When you move somewhere together and you’re both trying to build something from scratch, you really do become each other’s constant. There are times when one of you is more worried and the other one has to be the calm one. There are times you disagree. There are times you both wonder what you’re doing. But you keep figuring it out together.

Now, years later, buying our first home in Dubai has made me think about all of this so much more.

We rented for years. We worked, we built our business, we had periods where things were easier and periods where they definitely weren’t, we kept going without knowing exactly where all of it would lead, but with the same goal in mind. That some day, we will feel fully settled here.

And now we’ve bought our own home in the country we moved to all those years ago.

For me, that feels like a really big moment. Not because I think owning a home is the only way someone can feel settled, because it absolutely isn’t. For someone else, that feeling might come from something completely different.

For me, it’s more about what it represents.

It feels like we’ve put roots down properly. It feels like we can finally look around and say, this is home. We built this life ourselves. No one handed it to us. No one made it happen for us. We had no idea how everything would turn out when we first moved here, and somehow, after all the uncertainty and in the middle of a war, the sacrifices, the work and the moments of doubt, it did.

I think that’s probably one of the biggest lessons moving countries has taught me. You can miss home and still love the home you’ve created. You can miss family and still know you made the right decision. You can have days where you feel left out and still be grateful for the life you chose. It all makes you stronger.

And eventually, after years of wondering whether you’re actually going to make it work, there comes a point where you realize you did.

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