Why Is It So Hard to Make Friends as an Adult?

Let's be real.

Photo by Caroline Hernandez on Unsplash

Let’s be real: making friends as an adult can feel like trying to solve a Rubik’s Cube in the dark. It’s awkward, it’s unpredictable, and sometimes you wonder, why is this so complicated? Remember when you were a kid, and making a friend was as simple as sharing your favorite snack or deciding to play tag together? Fast forward to adulthood, and suddenly it feels like a high-stakes social game.

Turns out, we’re busy, like really busy. Between work, family, and everything else on our to-do lists, where’s the time? Making friends requires effort—messaging back, showing up to plans, and nurturing the relationship. But let’s be honest, after a long day, Netflix and your blanket is going to win.

I’ve realised that I don’t have to have a solution for everything, so just an FYI, don’t expect this to be me giving you food for thought! I’m going to be keeping it real and just sharing the difficulties of it…starting with the face that our expectations are so much higher now. As adults, we’re pickier about who we let into our lives - and rightly so. We value our time and energy, and we want friendships that feel fulfilling, not forced. But sometimes, we set the bar too high, expecting instant connections or assuming the other person needs to check every box. I have a bad habit of this - I’m still working on it but I’ll share with you what I’m currently telling myself - even though I haven’t mastered it! Friendships don’t have to be perfect to be meaningful. Allow some time for connections to grow naturally.

Let’s face it - opening up to new people is intimidating. As kids, we were unfiltered and fearless, but as adults, we have our guard up. We’ve been through heartbreak, disappointments, and betrayals, and it’s hard not to carry that baggage into new friendships.

Unlike school or university, where you were naturally thrown together with people and kind of didn’t have a choice but to speak to random people…adult life doesn’t create those easy opportunities. Everyone’s juggling their own responsibilities, and making plans can feel like coordinating a UN meeting. Reaching out to someone new feels risky. What if they don’t vibe with you? What if you don’t vibe with them?! What if they’re too busy or just not interested? This fear can stop us from even trying, and we convince ourselves that we’re “too old” to make new friends or that it’s just too much hard work….which it is.

Making friends as an adult is hard, but it’s not impossible. It takes effort, patience, and a little bit of courage. It’s about being open to new experiences, lowering the pressure to find your perfect match. I’ve come to the conclusion, that the best friendships often come when you least expect them - so put yourself out there, and let the magic happen. Don’t put so much pressure on yourself!