I think one of the nicest things about getting older is that you stop forcing friendships that don’t feel right anymore. You don’t have to explain yourself to everyone and you just slowly stop putting so much energy into people who don’t really give the same energy back.
I used to be much more willing to carry friendships…and when I think about it I honestly don’t know why! I’d check in, make the plans, keep the conversation going and convince myself that everyone’s just busy. But there’s a difference between someone being busy and someone making you feel like you’re always the one trying.
At some point, you just get fed up of it. You stop trying to make something feel mutual when it clearly isn’t. You stop giving so much of yourself to people who are very happy to take your energy, but don’t really think to pour anything back into you.
I have so much more time now for people who feel easy to be around. People who don’t make everything feel competitive or weird and who are kind to the people around them, not just to the people they think matter.
That’s something I notice so much more now….how people speak to waiters, drivers, assistants, anyone they don’t need anything from. I really can’t be around people who walk into a room with their nose up in the air and think it makes them look important…because it doesn’t. It just tells me everything I need to know.
I also don’t have the energy anymore for friendships where I feel like I’m treading on eggshells. I don’t want to sit there watching every word I say, softening myself, making myself smaller or managing someone else’s mood because of their own insecurities. Especially when those same people don’t seem to notice their own comments, their own behavior or how they make other people feel.
Friendship should feel easier than that…not perfect, because none of us are perfect, but you should feel safe with people and you should feel like yourself. You shouldn’t constantly leave feeling drained or judged.
I want people around me who pour into my cup too. People who make me laugh, who are happy when something good happens for me, who can be honest without being cruel and who don’t make everything feel like hard work. I don’t need a huge circle…I never have. In fact I have very few people I’d call friends. I’d rather have fewer people around me and feel calm than have loads of people in my life who make me feel weird.
The funny thing is, when you stop forcing friendships, you don’t always feel like you’ve lost something. A lot of the time, you feel lighter, like you’ve gained clarity. You have more space for the people who actually feel good to be around, and you stop filling your life with connections that only exist because you keep holding them up, and I think that’s healthy. Not every friendship is meant to stay forever.
Sometimes people were right for a certain time in your life, and sometimes they’re not anymore. If something only keeps going because you’re the one carrying it, I think it’s okay to finally put it down!
How To Stop Foundation From Clinging To Texture
Foundation clinging to texture is one of those makeup problems that makes people immediately blame the foundation. And sometimes it can be the foundation. Some formulas just don’t work well on certain skin types or it could even be your skin prep which I very recently did a newsletter on. But I thought I’d focus more on how you do things when your problem is as specific as clinging foundation and texture.
Loved this, and it’s something we all have done at one time or another. It takes a while for us to value ourselves and the friendships we maintain. When we let them go, it hurts us more. The lesson we have forgotten is that relationships come into our lives for a reason, a season or a lifetime. Not every relationship is forever. Congrats to everyone who has figured this out.