What matters is that it grounds you, lifts you, or simply gets you through. The world will always have an opinion. This is about how it makes you feel. That’s the only thing that counts.
I totally agree with you. Once my make up is on, I feel better about myself. Nothing to do with vanity, it just makes me feel put together as well. Some days I don't feel like putting make up on, but when I do, it makes me feel great. I do not do it for anyone else but myself. I do get compliments, and that is always nice. Make up should be something you do for yourself though:)
That’s so well said. Makeup has nothing to do with being vain…it’s more about that shift in how you feel once it’s on. I think that’s what makes it so special, because it’s not really about anyone else at all.
There is something about makeup and looking your best that is true and studies prove it: the treatment & reception you get from others is better when you look good than if you are not dolled up! It’s not only about us feeling good about ourselves. It’s about how others treat us, whether at work, at the doctor, in a store, at the gym etc. Others behaviors towards us also shifts when we look good! That’s huge!
Nina, makeup is my therapy in so many ways. I live with & take care of my 99 year old narcissistic, negative mother. Doing my makeup allows me to escape her agitation & mean assaults. I get to escape into myself & focus on what I’m doing, and when I’m done & I look good & feel good about myself, it cancels her negative painting of my persona. If this were a husband, fiancée or boyfriend I would leave to save myself, since there is no treatment for this maladies. But since it’s my mother & I’m all she has, I cannot. I suffer of PTSD from the trauma she inflicts upon me. Focusing on my makeup is the only peace I can get. It definitely is therapy for me in so many ways. Thank you.❤️
This is such an honest share, and I’m so sorry you’re dealing with that day to day. I think it’s beautiful that makeup gives you a sense of control and peace, it really shows how powerful it can be beyond surface level. I’m glad you’ve found that outlet.
I am the eldest daughter of a narcissistic mother. I also have layers of PTSD. I made the decision to cut her out of my life 10 years ago, because it was the only way I could heal. If you ever need someone with whom to talk, I “get it.” There is a podcast titled “Character Out” about narcissistic mothers that is very good. My mother never showed me a thing about skincare or makeup, except to criticize me. I do not mean ss her.
Wow Liz! You understand! Most people cannot fathom the intensity or enormity of the problem. You were lucky to be able to get away. Thank you for sharing & the advice. I will look up the suggested group. Last night was the 1st time in years I was able to cry-to a movie. We’ll see if I can cry when Mom attacks me. If not, I’ve become emotionally numb! It’s awful. For the last 2 days, I have been unable to function. All I could do was do a little skincare on myself, apply makeup & shop for groceries, but I’ve been seriously depressed as a result of Tuesday’s attack! Thank you, Liz. It doesn’t matter if your mother didn’t teach you how to apply makeup! Nina does a much better job than your mother ever could. 😉❤️
Nina does a MUCH better job! 😊 Life is different when your own mother not only does not love you, but is abusive. They grind you down to nothing with their cruelty, but are the consummate victim. I learned about boundaries in therapy (I thought my therapist made some woo-woo thing up!) but I set clear boundaries, she violated them, and I was finally done. My only regret is I did not do it sooner.
Liz, I just looked up Character Outs. It’s for going No Contact. Unfortunately I can’t do that now. I’m 80 and I live with her. She’s 99. I’m her main care taker. Unfortunately there are financial considerations as well that prevent me from going No Contact. My therapy will start when she passes—-that is, if I survive! She can easily cause me to have a stroke or a heart attack. Tuesday my blood pressure went up to 173! Until she passes, unfortunately, I’ll have to endure! She has turned my life into a living Hell!
It is for going “No Contact” but on Instagram, there is a community of people, many of whom have not cut their mother off. I find it funny, because we are all shaped by similar traumas and are eerily alike, but they understand the experience that f a narcissistic mother.
They are destructive forces. My heart aches for you, because I over-stand what it is like. You are a warrior goddess! Remember that! ❤️
Thank you for sharing that,I can only imagine how much strength it took to make that decision for yourself. I’m glad you’ve found ways to heal and create your own rituals around beauty. It really shows how powerful it can be to build those things for ourselves
It’s so funny this came up, I get comments at work all the time. “Do you always look so together, even at work”? I reply “of course I do, especially at work”. It’s a by gone principal I would say, that if you look well, you help others want to be well too. I’m only at this job a few months and already the ladies want my secrets. Oh Nina you are my secret, true and true 🩷
When I was deeply depressed, my therapist told me to pick one self-care habit to do every day. I picked skincare, twice a day. I was suffering from horrible perimenopausal acne and it made me insecure. Twice a day, (most) everyday. My life may be falling apart, but I still do my skincare. Often, it is the most relaxing part of my day. It is so calming and therapeutic. I completely agree that life’s mini-rituals keep us grounded.
It really shows how even small daily rituals can become anchors when everything else feels unsteady. I love that skincare has given you that sense of calm and consistency. It’s amazing how much those little habits can carry us through
I was like this, but my skin has changed so much since I turned 50 that what looked good on me doesn’t anymore. I feel like I need to start again and figure out new ways to make me feel like how I used to.
I'm with you all the way. I love putting on my makeup, and can be sitting there for over an hour just going from one stage to another. I have my friends asking "what colour lipstick are you wearing" or "what do you do to get your eyeshadow like that" or "what foundation are you wearing", which is all lovely and gives me a real boost. The only thing is taking it all off at the end of the day!
I totally agree with you. Once my make up is on, I feel better about myself. Nothing to do with vanity, it just makes me feel put together as well. Some days I don't feel like putting make up on, but when I do, it makes me feel great. I do not do it for anyone else but myself. I do get compliments, and that is always nice. Make up should be something you do for yourself though:)
That’s so well said. Makeup has nothing to do with being vain…it’s more about that shift in how you feel once it’s on. I think that’s what makes it so special, because it’s not really about anyone else at all.
There is something about makeup and looking your best that is true and studies prove it: the treatment & reception you get from others is better when you look good than if you are not dolled up! It’s not only about us feeling good about ourselves. It’s about how others treat us, whether at work, at the doctor, in a store, at the gym etc. Others behaviors towards us also shifts when we look good! That’s huge!
Doing my makeup in the morning is therapeutic. Its far more than just getting my face ready for the day.
Nina, makeup is my therapy in so many ways. I live with & take care of my 99 year old narcissistic, negative mother. Doing my makeup allows me to escape her agitation & mean assaults. I get to escape into myself & focus on what I’m doing, and when I’m done & I look good & feel good about myself, it cancels her negative painting of my persona. If this were a husband, fiancée or boyfriend I would leave to save myself, since there is no treatment for this maladies. But since it’s my mother & I’m all she has, I cannot. I suffer of PTSD from the trauma she inflicts upon me. Focusing on my makeup is the only peace I can get. It definitely is therapy for me in so many ways. Thank you.❤️
This is such an honest share, and I’m so sorry you’re dealing with that day to day. I think it’s beautiful that makeup gives you a sense of control and peace, it really shows how powerful it can be beyond surface level. I’m glad you’ve found that outlet.
I am the eldest daughter of a narcissistic mother. I also have layers of PTSD. I made the decision to cut her out of my life 10 years ago, because it was the only way I could heal. If you ever need someone with whom to talk, I “get it.” There is a podcast titled “Character Out” about narcissistic mothers that is very good. My mother never showed me a thing about skincare or makeup, except to criticize me. I do not mean ss her.
Wow Liz! You understand! Most people cannot fathom the intensity or enormity of the problem. You were lucky to be able to get away. Thank you for sharing & the advice. I will look up the suggested group. Last night was the 1st time in years I was able to cry-to a movie. We’ll see if I can cry when Mom attacks me. If not, I’ve become emotionally numb! It’s awful. For the last 2 days, I have been unable to function. All I could do was do a little skincare on myself, apply makeup & shop for groceries, but I’ve been seriously depressed as a result of Tuesday’s attack! Thank you, Liz. It doesn’t matter if your mother didn’t teach you how to apply makeup! Nina does a much better job than your mother ever could. 😉❤️
Nina does a MUCH better job! 😊 Life is different when your own mother not only does not love you, but is abusive. They grind you down to nothing with their cruelty, but are the consummate victim. I learned about boundaries in therapy (I thought my therapist made some woo-woo thing up!) but I set clear boundaries, she violated them, and I was finally done. My only regret is I did not do it sooner.
Liz, I just looked up Character Outs. It’s for going No Contact. Unfortunately I can’t do that now. I’m 80 and I live with her. She’s 99. I’m her main care taker. Unfortunately there are financial considerations as well that prevent me from going No Contact. My therapy will start when she passes—-that is, if I survive! She can easily cause me to have a stroke or a heart attack. Tuesday my blood pressure went up to 173! Until she passes, unfortunately, I’ll have to endure! She has turned my life into a living Hell!
It is for going “No Contact” but on Instagram, there is a community of people, many of whom have not cut their mother off. I find it funny, because we are all shaped by similar traumas and are eerily alike, but they understand the experience that f a narcissistic mother.
They are destructive forces. My heart aches for you, because I over-stand what it is like. You are a warrior goddess! Remember that! ❤️
Do you know what it’s called on Instagram?
Same name. “Character Out.” They post some of the funniest things (you have to laugh at narcissists) and all of us know why it is so funny.
Thank you for sharing that,I can only imagine how much strength it took to make that decision for yourself. I’m glad you’ve found ways to heal and create your own rituals around beauty. It really shows how powerful it can be to build those things for ourselves
Thank you!🥰
Liz, you’re a blessing. Thank you for offering to be a lending ear of someone who has gone through what I am living.❤️🥰😘
It’s so funny this came up, I get comments at work all the time. “Do you always look so together, even at work”? I reply “of course I do, especially at work”. It’s a by gone principal I would say, that if you look well, you help others want to be well too. I’m only at this job a few months and already the ladies want my secrets. Oh Nina you are my secret, true and true 🩷
I'm so glad you get these type of comments!!
When I was deeply depressed, my therapist told me to pick one self-care habit to do every day. I picked skincare, twice a day. I was suffering from horrible perimenopausal acne and it made me insecure. Twice a day, (most) everyday. My life may be falling apart, but I still do my skincare. Often, it is the most relaxing part of my day. It is so calming and therapeutic. I completely agree that life’s mini-rituals keep us grounded.
It really shows how even small daily rituals can become anchors when everything else feels unsteady. I love that skincare has given you that sense of calm and consistency. It’s amazing how much those little habits can carry us through
YESSSSS!!!!!
I was like this, but my skin has changed so much since I turned 50 that what looked good on me doesn’t anymore. I feel like I need to start again and figure out new ways to make me feel like how I used to.
Maybe I’ll do a newsletter for makeup in your 50s!
I'm with you all the way. I love putting on my makeup, and can be sitting there for over an hour just going from one stage to another. I have my friends asking "what colour lipstick are you wearing" or "what do you do to get your eyeshadow like that" or "what foundation are you wearing", which is all lovely and gives me a real boost. The only thing is taking it all off at the end of the day!