What I’ve Learned About Energy, Boundaries, and Protecting My Peace

This is something I’ve learned gradually, and mostly through experience rather than intention. For a long time, I didn’t really think about where my energy was going. I just showed up….to everything. I said yes, I made the effort, I didn’t want to disappoint anyone, and kind of assumed that it was the done thing. Somewhere along the way, that became normal…even though it didn’t feel good.

I used to think being available was part of being professional and just a good person. Especially when it came to work, because if I didn’t say yes, then I wasn’t really appreciating the opportunities that came my way. If I was invited to something, particularly by a brand or PR, I felt pressure to go. Evening events were the biggest one for me. I don’t actually enjoy them. I never really have. They take up my personal time, they nearly always run late, and a lot of the time they revolve around drinking, which just isn’t my thing anymore - I nearly forgot the main issue now….traffic. For years, I went anyway, and I worried about how it would look if I didn’t go. I worried it wouldn’t sit well if I said no, or maybe the PR would think I’m not interested in the brand…or worse, they’d remove me from the PR list.

The truth is, going to those events made me miserable. I’d spend the day dreading them, rush through my evening, and come home feeling drained…and the next morning I’d feel like I was hungover, even though I didn’t have a drop of alcohol (perks of being in your mid 40s…late nights are a killer). Eventually, I had to be honest with myself. I don’t like evening events, and that’s okay. I’ve realized I much prefer daytime events. I show up better, I’m more present, I actually enjoy myself, and it feels like it’s part of my work day…which is exactly how it’s supposed to be, because it is work! So now, I say no to evening invites and put my energy into the things that work for me. And nothing bad has happened because of it.

That was a big lesson for me…protecting your energy doesn’t damage relationships, it protects you. The people who matter understand. And if someone takes issue with a boundary, that usually says more about them than you.

The same applies to people in general. I’ve learned that I don’t have to keep toxic people in my life just because they’ve been there for a long time or because the persons unfortunately somehow related to me. If someone doesn’t wish you well, if their energy is negative, jealous, or draining, you’re not obligated to keep giving them access. I think we sometimes forget that access to us is something we control. We don’t have to subject ourselves to people who leave us feeling worse. And if you’re in a position where you feel you don’t have control of what and who has access to you, then you need to ask yourself…who does? Because if another person makes you feel like you don’t have a choice, then that person shouldn’t have access to you either.

Setting boundaries used to feel uncomfortable to me. Saying no felt awkward. Pulling back felt like I was doing something wrong. But over time, I’ve realized that boundaries create space…space for calm, clarity, and peace. They allow you to show up better for the things and people that actually matter.

Protecting my peace now looks like being selective. It’s fewer commitments, fewer forced interactions, and more intention. It’s choosing what fits my life instead of bending my life to fit everything else.

I’ve learned that energy is limited, and how I spend mine shapes how I feel. And once you start paying attention to that, it becomes much easier to choose a life that feels lighter, calmer, and more aligned with who you are now.

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