I’ll start by confessing that I haven’t finished this book yet, but it’s so good that I had to share my opinion in the hope that you make this your next book to read. The Courage to be Disliked is a book by Fumitake Koga and Ichiro Kishimi about how to live a happy life and achieve real happiness.
Firstly, it’s one of the easiest books to read. It tells a story of an unhappy young man who visits a philosopher. During their meetings, they have several conversations in which the philosopher and the young man have very different outlooks on life. The young man has various questions about life, and although he asks the philosopher these questions, it is very apparent that he seems to believe he already has the answers.
When you start reading this book, it doesn’t take long for you to figure out which camp you're in. It was only a few pages in, and I realized I agreed with nearly everything the philosopher was saying and found myself shaking my head as I was reading what the young man had to say in response. It reminded me of the types of people you come across in life. The difference is that I’m able to openly shake my head in disagreement with the young man without fear of starting a debate. I’ve never really delved into psychology or how one's past may or may not dictate the future. However, I have often wondered if you get to where you are in life because of past circumstances or because of the choices you make along the way.
The book talks about the psychologists Alfred Adler and Sigmund Freud. I’ll be honest, I know very little about both, so I did have to do research into each of their beliefs to get a better understanding. I found myself agreeing with a lot of Adler’s ways of thinking; it just made sense. To live a happy life, we must be able to accept ourselves as we are and others as they are. As much as I agree with this, I’m guilty of not always following this way of thinking.
Adler states, "We are not determined by our experiences, but the meaning we give them is self-determining." In a nutshell, what Adler is trying to say is that while traumatic experiences do happen, we give them meaning by determining how those past experiences influence our present and future decisions. This really got me thinking. I believe the majority of us have had traumatic experiences in our lives, myself included. Throughout reading this book, I started feeling extremely grateful that I’ve never felt that my own traumatic experiences were the reason why I am where I am today. I do, however, believe that those experiences helped to make me a stronger person and mould me into the person I am today.
I’m only halfway through the book, but I’ve already learned so much about myself and how I would like to view the world through my own lens. If you’ve had experiences in your past, whether they were traumatic or not, that you feel have led you to where you are today, I encourage you to read this book. It’s thought-provoking, engaging, and enlightening.
I am off to read another chapter, and once I’ve finished the book, I’ll be sure to give you a more detailed summary. In the meantime, be kind to yourself and others.
It's a great book! I love how the young guy really challenges him!
My best mate, who I've known since I was 12 is a psychotherapist and we've had some interesting conversations!
Do I believe that past events make you who you are today? Possibly. But as I get older and look back at my life in hindsight, I come to the conclusion behaviours are learned.
With all the mindful stuff we are learning today, it's key mantra is living in the Now. But I also think it's important to self reflect on past events as and when they surface, through meditation or when thoughts are provoked when reading a book like this. But once I've acknowledged an event, justified why I reacted the way I did or made me feel the way it did, park it. Move on. So many people live in the "What if" world, you can't change the past so why waste time going over and over in your mind if you had done this, or said that... Doesn't change the outcome. You are where you are, accept that.
Imposter syndrome is also something that a lot of my colleagues suffer from. I too have been a victim of that. But I have to keep reminding myself I am good at what I do. I do value myself and I have my strengths. Working for such a large organisation I always come across so many talented individuals but what I have learned is that after having to go through 6 rounds of interviews to get my dream job... I must be doing something right! (I don't consider this as a Superior complex btw!)... Lol...