Setting Boundaries and Finding Your Peace

Let's deep dive into putting yourself first for a change

Photo by Eneko Uruñuela on Unsplash

Let's face it, while family and friends can bring heaps of joy into our lives, they can also stir up a whole lot of emotions that might leave you feeling like you're caught in a tornado.

Now, picture this: you're happily married, basking in the glow of your partner's love. But suddenly, in swoops an Aunt or relative with her unsolicited advice on how you should have kids asap or how you should bring them up. Or maybe it's your childhood friend, who just can't seem to understand why you can't drop everything and hang out like you used to. Sound familiar? Yeah, welcome to the rollercoaster ride of navigating boundaries with friends and family.

So, before you become a fully-fledged successful people-pleaser let’s discuss why boundaries matter. I see boundaries like building a fence around your garden. Just like a fence protects your garden from unwanted intruders, boundaries safeguard your personal space, emotions, and well-being. They define where your space ends and where others' begins, ensuring that you can nurture and grow without interference while still allowing for healthy interaction and connection with those around you. Without them, things can get pretty messy, pretty fast.

Friends and family can sometimes forget that they're not the sole navigators of our lives. And when they start stepping into our personal space or making decisions for us, it can seriously mess with our well-being and, by extension, our marriages.

Constant meddling from family members or friends who drain your energy can lead to tension in your marriage. You might find yourself snapping at your spouse or feeling overwhelmed by the weight of everyone else's expectations. Suddenly, that cozy love nest you've built starts to feel more like the battlefield. I’ve been there, done that, and thankfully came out the other end….with my partner intact.

On another note, if you have family or friends who meddle in your life or marriage and the consequences always seem to be damaging to you or your partner then I personally, have no qualms in immediately distancing myself and if it doesn’t stop then you’ll be cut off. You have to protect your own peace and the peace of your marriage because no one is going to do that for you.

The best way I can explain what setting boundaries feels like is that it’s like putting up a polite yet firm "no trespassing" sign. And trust me, it's a game-changer and quite liberating.

So, how do you go about setting boundaries and not losing family or friends along the way? Well in all honesty, you may lose a few along the way and if you do then they clearly weren’t very good for you in the first place. After all, your family and friends should have your best interest at heart. I’m not going to give you a list of tips like ‘communicate’ with them and explain how you feel etc etc. Life doesn’t always work this way and people sure as hell don’t all react how you’d like them to react.

Boundaries aren't a one-time thing – they're a way of life. So, stay consistent in enforcing them. There might be some pushback at first, but trust me, people will get the hint eventually that they just can’t get through that fence! You don’t always have to have a heart-pouring conversation about what you’re planning to do or how you’re going to set boundaries. Sometimes the best way is to just start as you mean to go on.

Don't be afraid to lean on your partner for support. After all, you're in this together. I’d say the most important thing that will make setting boundaries successful is having your partner on board. You both need to be on the same page and ultimately, if you both put each other first then there shouldn’t be any difficulties in enforcing boundaries together.

At the end of the day, setting boundaries with friends and family isn't about pushing people away – it's about creating space for healthier, more fulfilling relationships.

Nina x