Building better habits

A realistic approach to building good habits for the organized mess kind of person

Photo by Thought Catalog on Unsplash

So I finally finished the book I was reading. The reason I say finally is because it feels like it’s taken me forever to read. This is purely due to my inconsistency in reading daily. I used to keep my book on my bedside table and read a few pages every night; however, over time, I found I preferred reading in the morning because I felt more fresh and ready to absorb information. Although reading at night meant that I was consistent, I also felt like I wasn’t really taking in what I was reading; I was tired and just wanted to unwind without having to focus.

The problem with shifting my reading to the morning was that I had too many things to do in the morning. Take Nico for a walk, feed him, make my coffee, do my stretching and mobility exercises, and by the time I’m done with that, my husband is back from his morning bike ride, so it’s time for us to both chill for a bit together, then discuss and start the day's plans.

So as you can tell, I found it difficult to fit in reading without feeling like I was rushing. And rush reading just makes me feel edgy. I don’t even know if that’s a thing, but it was for me. So this is why it took me so long to read a book that, ironically, was about building good habits.

The book I’ve just finished reading is Atomic Habits by James Clear. Overall, the book is about building new good habits and breaking bad ones. As I started getting further into the book, I realized that I was already doing a lot of what the book was suggesting. The book talks about a four-step model for you to be able to build good habits. I won’t go into the details of the book because I would honestly recommend reading it for yourself, as it’s going to apply differently to everyone. As much as I do love this book and would highly recommend everyone read it, I also firmly believe that you need to figure out what works for you and adjust things to suit your life, characteristics, and personality.

So here’s what works for me: Through this book and my own understanding of myself, I have managed to build better habits and, in the process, break habits that were not benefiting me. I mainly focused on building better habits before even looking at breaking bad ones. Not intentionally; however, off the back of building better habits, I realized that I was naturally breaking those bad habits.

Let me first give you an example of my home life. My husband is the most organized person I’ve ever met. His wardrobe is categorized by color starting with the lightest and fading slowly into the darkest. He has an intricate Excel spreadsheet for most things that, in fact, does make our lives substantially more organized and fuss-free, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. I love him exactly the way he is. Being this organized is in his DNA; he doesn’t understand any other way. I love how organized he is. I love how he is on top of everything, and I love how he has influenced my own little way of being organized. However, this way of living doesn’t come naturally to me.

So these are the types of habits I was trying to create: have more organization in my life, have a routine in the mornings, and generally make my life feel a little less cluttered. And because my husband and I are so different in this context, it can prove difficult to help each other. Let’s be honest, I don’t think he’d really need my help; ultimately, it would be me needing his help because when have you ever heard of anyone wanting to be cluttered and unorganized?

In the book, I read that it can be helpful to leave cues for yourself if you struggle to remember good habits. For example, if you want to make taking vitamins every morning a habit, then it’s a good idea to leave them out in a place that is clearly visible to you at the time at which you would like to take them. Thankfully, I was already doing this, but the downside was that things looked cluttered. I think after reading the book, I realized how aware it made me of my current habits, and this helped me to fine-tune my current habits as well as build new ones.

I started breaking down the feeling of carrying out a habit. As much as I was leaving out cues for myself, which ultimately were reminders to do something, I was realizing how great it made me feel when I acted upon that queue. Day by day, I felt better after fulfilling these habits, and eventually these small reminders became solid habits. You may need to leave cues out for yourself for three months or even up to six months, but eventually they will become habits.

There are already so many habits that you perform from the moment you wake up. Brushing your teeth is a habit; making your bed is a habit; making breakfast is a habit, and so on. You brush your teeth because you want the feeling of a clean mouth; you make your bed because it sets you up for the day; and you make your breakfast because it starts you off for the day. If you don’t brush your teeth in the morning, it influences how your mouth feels; if you don’t make your bed in the morning, it influences how you feel when you’re about to get into bed in the evening; and if you don’t make your breakfast in the morning, it influences how hungry you will feel. How we feel influences how we act, and how we act influences how we feel.

Think about how you can habit stack, meaning your current habits that come naturally to you can be stacked with a new habit you’re trying to make. For example, if you want to spend 10 minutes in the morning doing yoga or meditation, put reminders on your phone to do this before you make your bed. Eventually, this will become a habit, as you’re stacking it onto an existing one.

I love self-improvement and entrepreneurial books; however, I don’t read a book expecting it to transform me overnight. What I have realized over time is that I tend to extract and absorb parts of a book that work well and fit within my lifestyle. That’s what I’m hoping to bring to you through my newsletters, talking about books I may be reading or have read in the hope that what has worked for me may possibly work for you.